the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
