she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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