I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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