So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
