There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
