I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
