used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
being pregnant is like rehab
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
