So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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