bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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