i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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