I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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