i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
