Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
