You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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