i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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