Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
