Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
