Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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