The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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