So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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