i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
