that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
