check it out our google latitudes are spooning
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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