Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize