so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Randomize
