my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
