I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
