I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When are your genitals available?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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