Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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