I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Enjoy the penises
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
