All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
