I am spending my child support on dildos
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize