So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
