it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
