God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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