:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
