Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
