yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
