hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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