did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
