so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
