I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
