I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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