I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
