If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
