He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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