Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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