I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
