brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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