i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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