I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
