I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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