Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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