I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize