I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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