i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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