I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
