Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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