Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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