Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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