What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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