No awkward lesbian experiences without me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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