All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
