Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
