'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
