Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize