WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
