fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
